Delayed Fireworks

I really kicked off 2017 with a bang. To be clear, I was asleep before midnight, but I LOST IT on my husband over our morning coffee on New Year’s Day.

We were discussing our recent hosting experience on Christmas Day (which went wonderfully) and I brought up the Mary-Martha Bible story to illustrate the difference in our hosting styles.

Martha slaves away in the kitchen – him, while Mary sits and enjoys her guests – me.

When it comes to Jesus, I don’t worship the guy, but I DO have a deep and loving reverence for the vastness of his material, especially when I can pull from that material to help me prove that I am right.

Christians friends, if you have ever heard me quote scripture to accentuate my point and thought, “Wow, that Ashleigh, she REALLY knows the Bible.”

Well, um…only sort of.

This never goes over well with my husband. He dislikes my selective Jesus-quoting almost as much as my assumption that he needs a football analogy to understand anything I am saying. It drives him crazy.

And I always forget.

He was annoyed. He misinterpreted my story to mean he was wrong and I was right. Honestly, I was just trying to build on some common ground we had gained. He muttered something about not hosting dinner again. And I LOST IT.

This was somewhat memorable, as most of the LOSING IT in our house happens when my husband is not home. It happens precisely after he leaves to do errands on a day he “should” be home.

In unison, my boys just LOSE IT. Out of the relative peace comes screaming, fighting, and tears…oh the tears. My friend, Kati, has recently coined this “Synchronized Shit-Flipping.”

Yes, this is the perfect name for it.

If and when the sport of Synchronized Shit-Flipping is celebrated in the Olympics, my children will be serious contenders for the gold. I mean Canada, the USA, and Greece will ALL be vying for their representation. They are just THAT GOOD.

And by “they,” I mean “we.” We are just THAT GOOD.

I am the Captain, the Skip, the ANCHOR of this team.

I initiate every Synchronized Shit-Flipping training session, either with my crappy energy or in a convincing fashion, like WAILING about something before his car has even left the driveway

I have spent a great number of hours trying to figure out why.

Whenever I say, “Oh, yeah, that’s fine” when it’s REALLY not fine, the drowning sludge of resentment starts to build up inside of me. Just like when my husband is doing the dishes at a party while I enjoy a beer and conversation with our guests and I ask, “Do you need my help?” When he says, “No, I’m fine” and he’s REALLY not fine, the resentment builds up in him.

The thing about resentment, is that it feels like we are hiding is so well. It feels so private. We bite our tongues, suck it up, do the thing, and feel like we are really looking fine when we are really not fine. We think it’s nice, it’s kind, it’s the right thing to do.

But, resentment oozes out of us and smothers the people we love, the people we are trying to help by just doing the thing and acting like we are FINE. We just keep acting like we are fine when we are most definitely not fine, until one day someone croaks, “It’s getting a little stuffy in here” and we realize resentment is SUFFOCATING us.

Anytime we can model for our children how to honestly show how we are feeling instead of how we think others want us to be feeling, we are giving them a gift. Too often, we all just act fine and look around at everyone else and think, Wow, I don’t feel fine, but everyone looks totally fine. What is WRONG with me?

So, the blessing of me losing it was that we got to have this conversation, and find more common ground, and to agree to think about being honest instead of just pretending that it’s fine and doing the thing.

And I will try to keep us on track without any football analogies or quotes from Jesus.

Massive love,

Ashleigh

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