If I were to start a support group for semi-compulsive over-doers I think every woman I know would qualify for inclusion.

For years I have tried to cram as much as possible into every single day. I come from a long line of over-doing under-relaxers and I have a long history of hustling. Paying job at 11, straight A’s, moved out at 17, to a new country at 21, started my business at 23.

Then I became homebirthing, homeschooling, DIY’ing, ec’ing (Google it if you think cloth diapers are a commitment) mom, and my toddlers grew their own vegetables.

And good things came of all the work, to be certain, but underneath overdoing and perfectionism is a current of fear, a compulsion to try to outrun the doubt.

If I just do it perfectly, if I just do it all, maybe, just maybe I will be above criticism. Maybe, just maybe, I will achieve and checklist and organize my way out of the territory of self-doubt.

But, doubt is not rational. It doesn’t say, “Well, honey, I remember all the times you did it right and all the times you really did nail it. I am certain this time is going to be great. And you’re good enough. You are so loved. And, wow, you’re pretty. And, have I mentioned that you are like the funniest person I know?”

Um, never. Doubt doesn’t talk like that. Doubt doesn’t back off after you’ve shown enough competence here at Earth School. It hassles you the most when you are trying to beat it.

I am done hustling to outrun doubt.

My dreams are bigger than ever, but now a day well spent is a day well lived. Did I take care of myself? Did I have at least a little fun with my kids? Did I check into my meditation space (twice a day) more often that I checked my email (once a day)? I am working smarter, not harder. And having more fun. And bringing more joy to the people around me. And redefining success. And learning to live life on my own terms.

Read this, too!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *