Scared and Ready

Today I dropped my oldest child off for his first day of school, ever.

I felt scared and excited for him. I wondered if we were doing the right thing. I wondered if all these years of homeschooling were the wrong thing. I wondered if the teachers would think I am an incompetent homeschooling mom. I wondered if I will be an incompetent public school mom. I wondered what of the 100 new-things-you-experience-at-school-that-you-experience-nowhere-else-in-life that I forgot to tell him about.

Pledge of Allegiance, shit. I forgot to tell him about the Pledge of Allegiance.

I felt so scared for him.

Then I remembered that I subscribe to the notion that we can be scared and still be really, really ready.

Countless times a year my athletes look at me with wide, frightened eyes and say “I am so scared” or “I am so nervous.”

I tell them the same kind of thing every single time. That’s okay. I feel nervous, too. We feel nervous and we are still okay. It’s all gonna be okay. If you didn’t feel nervous I would have to check you for a pulse. Congratulations, dear. You are human.

So, my day has gone on. His day has gone on. I will know soon how parts of his day went. I will know soon how very many parts of the day will not be shared with me.

And I feel scared.

And it’s okay.

And I whisper to myself. Congratulations, dear. You are human.

Massive love,

Ashleigh

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