No one told me motherhood would be a spiritual journey. Well, if they did, I was not listening. This came as a surprise to me. Not a jump-out-from-behind-the-couch “SURPRISE!” It was more of a slow, festering confusion. The best my brain could come up with some days was “Wait…what??”
My first two sons are close in age. They didn’t sleep much. We didn’t sleep much. I had a lot of stress at work and my husband worked until 9:30 or 10:00 each night.
At this point in our evolution as humans we all know that it should be illegal for anyone to parent solo after 5:00 pm, right? Nothing good happens with toddlers after 5:00 pm. The “witching hour” some call it. Ha, yes, I found it sort of like that.
Many nights I would be holding both babies, crying, overtired, and look towards the door and think “When is the REAL mom coming home? This can’t be up to ME to deal with. I am clearly NOT EQUIPPED to handle this.”
Parenting seemed like one long, drawn out, episode of Punk’d, crazy occurrence after crazy occurrence. I was thinking this can’t be for real, but Ashton Kutcher never showed up. Not even once did he pop out from around the corner and say “Ha! You’re right. Real life isn’t THIS crazy. It was all an elaborate prank. Now, wanna make out?”
It was around this time that my very wise yoga teacher told me something I will never forget. (Just in case you think I was so fancy, attending yoga while I had two toddlers at home, that is not the case. I stopped by to see my very wise, FORMER yoga teacher. But, the world would be a better place if we figured out a way for all moms to practice yoga regularly. Let’s make this happen.)
I told her of my overwhelm. I told her of my doubt. And this is what she said.
You know that you are equipped to handle this because you are a mama this time around.
It didn’t matter that at that point I wasn’t sure if I was put on this Earth, in my role, for a reason.
When I believed it I felt better.
I felt calmer.
I felt more capable of dealing with the chaos.
I felt like, even if Ashton never shows up, I’ve got this.